Wonder Woman Syndrome

Wonder Woman Syndrome 

Do you ever have the desire to do it all with the strength of Wonder Woman and genuinely believe it is possible?  That was a foundational belief of my life for many years until God challenged my thinking.  Several years ago I ventured into a study to identify and remove anything in my life that was keeping me from a deeper relationship with God.  It involved a lot of guided prayer and listening for the Holy Spirit to reveal something.  After going through the process several times I still felt like God had something to show me, then lead me specifically back to section on identity.   When God revealed this as an area of need at this point in my life, it came as quite a surprise to me. 

My thinking began to change when I studied scriptures about my true identity and gained an understanding of how it’s supposed to work.  If identity is defined as what we believe about ourselves, then a “lie-dentity” is something we believe about ourselves that’s actually rooted in a lie.  

I tried to make a fair assessment about my identity since the Bible says to think of ourselves with sober judgment (Rom. 12:3), but what God showed me was that I was only happy with myself when I was actively accomplishing something.  One of my “lie-dentities” was that I had to perform well to receive approval and love from others, myself, and even God.  In another words, I believed that I had to work for it and the value I placed upon it was an additional area of concern.  Through a process of prayer and meditation the Holy Spirit revealed where the lie came from, which was often a result of another lie, and another lie, and so forth, until we reached the root.  If you’ve ever taken care of a flower bed you know that the only way to kill weeds is from the root, and the root of my issue was in the way I was wired.  The goal was to replace the lies with truth. 

In the first half of my life, I experienced a controlling environment and there was often immense pressure to behave according to expectations, and when that was met I would receive approval and love.  Though I don’t believe the reasons behind that pattern were as intentionally malicious as it may sound, the reality was that it wired me to think a certain way to cope.  I quickly learned that not meeting approval made for an unpleasant environment, so I decided that if I set my standards above everyone else’s then everyone would leave me alone!  Self-sufficiency became survival instead of trusting in and depending on God.  

There were various ways this performance lie revealed itself over the years.  When I made mistakes, I didn’t handle them well.  My expectations for myself were so high that if anyone jumped on my back in criticism, even constructively, it felt like an attack on my character—there was already someone on my back and that person was me, so I didn’t need others to add to it!  We’ve all heard comments from others as they see us and several times those “voices” said I was lazy.  Even when I didn’t believe it about myself, I set out to prove them wrong, and sometimes to myself too just in case it was true.  I filled up every ounce of my schedule and it became a game to me.  In my jobs I worked myself as hard as I could, often at the expense of my health.  When I was unemployed due to corporate downsizing and could no longer perform at my job, I felt lost, worthless, and dependent—like the rug was pulled out from under my feet.  After we started our family and I changed to part-time status at work, I was offended by the “voices” of those that implied staying at home with the kids wasn’t a worthy profession, was an easy job, or that I didn’t have much to do.  Even though I believed raising a family was the hardest job I ever had, I often tried to control what they thought about me—that I didn’t lay on the couch eating bon-bons all day like they thought and my Fit-Bit was evidence!  I loved being home with my kids and I’m grateful to the Lord for it.  It was the right decision for our family, but because of this lie I struggled with feelings that I didn’t accomplish anything at home that I could see.  I wanted to finish something I started and see results that day (in hindsight not realistic when the kids were really young).  I periodically struggled with chronic fatigue for months, and sometimes years.  There was an existing condition behind it, but this “Wonder Woman Syndrome” added to the problem.  Anytime I was sick I felt useless because I couldn’t accomplish the usual things and that would lead to anxiety about when I would recover, especially given my health history. When I transitioned to full-time at home, for the first year I missed work like a fish out of water until I found other ways to continue the lie by proving myself—that I’m a hard worker and what I do at home really matters. 

After the root problem was identified and I discovered how it manifested in my life, then confessed my sin, I learned that my identity is given by God, for God.  I studied Ephesians and other passages and asked, “What does God reveal about His identity and mine?”  Some of these things I already knew, but I needed my eyes opened.  The Bible says that our sufficiency comes from God, not from us (2 Cor. 3:5-6) and that when we accomplish things it is for God and not us (Col. 3:23).  Specific to identity, scripture says that even before creation God loved and chose me to be holy and without fault in His eyes (Eph. 1:4).  He decided in advance to adopt me into His own family through Christ and it gave Him great pleasure (Eph. 1:5)!  I am his child (John 1:2), his masterpiece (Eph. 2:10a).  His love for me is a gift and I don’t have to work for it.  He completes me (Col. 2:10) and I will never be separated from His love (Rom. 8:35).